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The Hunted
What is the Predator's code of honour? Which comics are available? Where's the movie soundtrack? The Hunted contains everything and anything that's Predator-related, along with free downloads (images, audio etc).

Emily Hope
This new addition is a page just for our beautiful baby girl, Emily Hope. There's only a few photos at the moment, but there'll be a lot more to come (if I don't run out of space on my server). And don't worry, she's very cute to see - this won't be one of those boring family slide-show nights!

Shelley & Jesse's Wedding
Do you want to know how to plan and execute a perfect wedding, or are you an incurable romantic? Well even if you're not, have a look at how Shelley and Jesse's Wedding just fell beautifully into place.

Bits and Pieces
The Worst Pick-Up Lines, Linkworld, The Big Questions, Joker Images, Miscellaneous Downloads - there's really no limit to the amount of Bits and Pieces you'll find within this weird and wonderful page.

Alien Host
From the gestation period of a chestburster, to the contents of the U.S. Colonial Marine's armoury... all you need to know about the Aliens trilogy is found in Alien Host... downloads, images and movie info.

Emulation Plus... plus what? Well, in addition to many downloads and links for system emulators (C64, Commodore Amiga and Arcade Machines), there's also plenty of information and help to get you started.

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Who's this Joker anyway?

This 100-question chain-letter email was floating around many years ago, when I was new to the 'Net.
Unfortunately I didn't have the time or inclination to ever complete it and send it to anyone -- mainly coz I didn't know enough people to send it to -- but I came across it again recently and thought "What the hell."
I also thought, "That's a better idea than to try and write an interesting biography from scratch."
So here it is. This is me. Enjoy.

(And if it's photos you're after, check Joker's Image Gallery and you'll find some.)

1. Name?
Jesse Willis Aherne. Call me Jesse, Jess, Jesta... just don't spell it wrong. I hate my female pseudonyms "Jessie" and "Jessy". Grr.

2. Gender?
Well, since I dislike the female spellings in the above question, one must naturally assume I'm masculine. But assumptions aside, I'm male.

3. Born?
25th June 1974 in Fitzroy, Victoria, but I've lived in Tasmania (you know, that little triangular island under Australia) for most of my life.

4. What is your favorite color?
Blue. No, wait - green. No, wait - purple. Oh, I don't know - can I say "rainbow colour"? Fine, blue then.

5. What is your favorite kind of gum?
Anything minty-fresh. I don't much like the yummy tasting stuff - it makes me want to eat it instead of chew it.

6. How much do you weigh?
About 69kg. Don't ask me what it is in pounds.

7. How tall are you?
About 5'11". Don't ask me what it is in centimetres.

8. Disneyworld or Disneyland?
Disneyland rocks. I never got to Disneyworld, but I reckon it'd be a case of "the original is best". I'm 0ldsk00l at heart.

9. Do you like to swim?
Yeah, good fun. Totally relaxing, floating in a low-gravity environment. Not ecstatic about really cold water tho.

11. What's on your mouse pad?
Coffee stains, some worn-out patches, and creases where the material is peeling off... maybe I need a new mouse pad.

10. Living arrangement?
Happy ratepayer of suburbia, slowly decreasing the interest of a mortage. Another 20 years or so and I'll own a house.

12. Favorite board game?
Board games - ah yes, I remember those. I was kinda partial to Monopoly, but for the life of me I can't remember which other ones I played.

13. Favorite magazine?
Good question... not a real big magazine reader. I'd say computer magazines in general, but that'd make me sound like a real nerd.

14. Favorite Actor?
Only one? I can't decide. Old favourites are Eddie Murphy, Christopher Lloyd, Jackie Chan, Harrison Ford and Arnold Schwarzenegger (in no particular order).

15. Favorite Actress?
Same deal as before. Sigourney Weaver, Jodie Foster, Drew Barrymore, Wynona Ryder and Gillian Anderson.

16. Do you have an accent?
Depends. Here in Australia, I sound like everyone else. But in America, I sound like an Aussie bloke. Apparently it's noticeable.

17. Favorite smells?
Freshly mowed grass, clean sheets, coconut oil, and new vehicle/electrical equipment.

18. Least favorite smells?
Meat that's going bad, overfilled ashtrays the next morning, heavy petrol fumes, and organic fertiliser.

19. Favorite sound?
Probably the sound of rain on the roof, heard from the comfort of a nice warm bed.

20. Do you prefer pools or oceans?
Well, they both have pros and cons. Pools are alright, but I hate the chlorine. The ocean is good, but there are stinging jellyfish in it...

21. Do you watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer?
Only if i decide to see if it's gotten any better since last time I watched it. I much preferred Dark Angel myself, if it comes to fantasy-type series.

22. Pencil or pen?
In this day and age, I hate having to write at all... quicker and neater to Type and Print. But pen, I suppose.

23. Who's better - boys or girls?
This question sounds like I'm back in 3rd grade. But in reality (sorry, my fellow guys) I'd have to say girls are better, in most respects...

24. Would you like to own a motorcycle?
Why, are you giving one away? But sure, I reckon that would be kinda cool.

25. Do you sing in the shower?
I've been known to, on occasion. But since I don't much like the sound of my own voice, I usually just hum.

26. Who's the best-looking Disney character?
Interesting question. I'd have to say that the Little Mermaid is pretty cute...

27. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
"I wish I'd gone to bed earlier so I could have had more sleep!" or "Oh bugger it, I have to get out of bed!"

28. How many rings before you answer the phone?
Depends how close I am to it. Usually 4 or 5. Or more, if I know who it is and I don't want to answer it.

29. How do you want to die?
Quickly, painlessly and contented.

30. Have you ever called a 900 number?
Once or twice, many years ago - before I realised that my parents could tell what numbers were called, once they got the phone bill.

31. Gold or silver?
Silver. Although gold fetches more per ounce.

32. Would you ever go bungee-jumping?
I'd love to try. I can't guarantee that I could jump without hesitating a little at first... but the rush would be awesome.

33. Do you like dressing up?
Actually, in my mature years, I'm enjoying trying different clothing styles. No cross-dressing though, I'm not that type.

34. Would you rather be short or tall?
I've been short and I've been tall. I prefer tall.

35. Do you enjoy reading?
Contemporary reading? Like a book? Sure, although it's hard to find the time these days. Internet reading/research is a fun past-time.

36. What book are you reading now?
None right now... but the last one was the first four 'Hitch Hiker's Guide to The Galaxy' books by Douglas Adams (RIP!). I can't believe I hadn't read them sooner, after being a fan of the 80s TV series. The Disney movie was poor, though. And another recent book was 'I, Robot' by Asimov. Although some of his predicted technology wasn't realised, the philosophies themselves are still possible and very thought provoking - and in general, the stories are better than Will Smith's movie!

37. Favorite books?
Mysterious World - Arthur C Clarke; Deathtrap Dungeon - Steve Jackson; The Best of the Lucasfilm Archives - Mark Cotta Vaz & Shinji Hata

38. What was the last movie you saw?
On TV: an interesting Bruce Willis movie, 'Harts War' which was a good twist on the old 'Allied POWs escape German prison camp' storyline. And at the Cinema: 'Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith.' (Yes, I don't get to the cinema very often.)

39. Favorite movies?
Predator, The Matrix, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Saving Private Ryan, Back to the Future, House on Haunted Hill

40. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Nah, only women.

41. What is your sign?
I am what you'd call a typical Cancerian.

42. What are your personality traits?
"Cancerians are sensitive, kind and sympathetic with an urge to nurture and care for people. Cancer also has a deep inferiority complex, so that any hurt, real or imagined is brooded upon. Cancer sometimes shows too a tendency to look back at, and hold on to things of the past and can be a very possessive sign."

43. What's your biggest fear?
Fear itself.

44. Would you ever have cosmetic surgery?
Not for a purely self-gratuitous reason. If it was medically necessary, yeah... but not electively.

45. Future child's name?
Nothing definite. But tentatively - Jessica (Jess) for a girl, and Tobias (Toby) for a boy.
As it turns out, neither -- it was Emily!

46. Favorite foods?
Ahh, food. While I'm partial to unhealthy cholesterol-filled stuff, I also like lasagna, chinese dishes, seafood, hamburgers, junk food (takeaway).

47. Chocolate or vanilla?
Chocolate. Through and through. But occasionally vanilla for a change of pace.

48. Do you like to drive fast?
 Yes I do. But since the local constabularly don't like me to, I don't do it very often.

49. Storms - cool or scary?
Bloody great. Nothing better than watching (and listening to) a massive thunderstorm.

50. Do you like to dance?
Well, I feel like I'm a concrete stick-insect when I strut my stuff.... so as a result, I don't really like dancing. Except for slow dancing.

(Woohoo, halfway through the questions. Not a wonder I never filled out this survey before... it's taking days!)

51. Do you do drugs?
I refuse to answer on the grounds I may incriminate myself... although yes, I have tried marijuana. But I didn't inhale!!

52. Do you smoke?
Although I'm what you'd call a 'reformed smoker' I have indeed been a slave to nicotine... but it wasn't my fault. The tobacco companies got me addicted to them.

53. What do you think of people who smoke?
When I was a smoker, I thought we were a wonderful bunch of people... but seriously, not all of them are very considerate when it comes to smoking around people, or where they toss the butts.

54. Do you drink?
Sometimes. On special occasions. I used to drink more frequently in my younger years, but these days hangovers are too fond of me.

55. Favorite drink?
Fanta... oh, you mean alcoholic?
Well, I don't really have a favourite - I used to say 'anything Vodka based' but these days I love my Scotch and Dry on the rocks.

56. Do you think men and women could ever be just friends without wanting each other?
Sure. Like if one of them is really ugly. Or if they were once together then had a bad breakup. Or if one (or both) of them were gay. Etc.
Sorry I can't answer seriously, but it's a naff question anyway.

57. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Well, yeah... it's part of the whole package. That'd be like eating the burger and throwing away the bun. Or something.

58. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?
Probably some kind of backbench politician - the kind that seems to do nothing, but can retire with thousands of bucks.

59. What's your "type"?
10pt Verdana or Arial. Oh, my type of person? I don't know... someone the opposite of myself, I suppose. Really.

60. Do you bite your nails?
As a child, but not anymore. It's hard to play guitar without using a plectrum, or scratch yourself, if you've got nailless fingers.

61. Any siblings?
Yup, I'm the eldest of three. A bro and a sis.

62. What movies have you cried in?
Recently, none. But I must admit, as a youngster I was a little teary when I thought they'd blown up Number 5 (Short Circuit). Well, I was only little!

63. Do you believe in God?
I believe there's more than likely some higher power of which we have no understanding... whether it's God or not, I'm not qualified to answer.

64. Did you ever cry over a guy/girl?
Yeah... after breaking up with my first true love. Awwww.

65. Favorite part-time job you've had?
I can only remember one - window signwriting for a butcher when I was in high school. Pay was little if nothing, but it was an intro to working life.

66. Do you procrastinate?
Hmm... I think I'll answer this question later.

67. Do you believe in fate?
I'd like to believe that we forge our own destiny - but I think the fickle finger of fate often pokes us in the eye.

68. Who's your favorite Sesame Street character?
Woo, good question. I reckon I'd have to say ol' Ernie... or Bert, for that matter. Those two always used to give me a laugh.

69. Do you organize your CD's?
Well, not as such. Grouped by artist, yeah, but not in alphabetical order or anything.

70. What is your favorite kind of music?
No specific type. Lots of stuff, from bluegrass to metal.

71. What are your favorite bands/artists?
Primus, Meat Puppets, Whitlams, The Beatles, Spiderbait, Weezer, Nirvana, They Might Be Giants and many others

72. What was the last CD you got?
'Rise To Your Knees' by The Meat Puppets. Gotta love those Kirkwood brothers!

73. MTV or VH1?
I liked MTV, when it played music videos. And I dunno what VH1 is anyway.

74. Who do you admire the most?
Probably my loving wife. Anyone who can put up with me as long as she has deserves plenty of admiration.

75. Internet Boyfriends and Girlfriends?
Been there, done that. Too much emotional upheaval. Long distance relationships don't really work either.

76. Are you single?
Symbiotic. We are two operating as one.

77. Favorite TV show?
At the moment, 'Lost'. Other faves are/were 'Heroes', 'The Amazing Race', 'Cold Feet', 'Dark Angel', 'Northern Exposure', and 'Dr Who'.

78. Blondes, Brunettes, or Redheads?
They say blondes have more fun... but brunettes. All the way.

79. Glasses or contacts?
Contacts were good, until the eye infections started. Preferring not to look constantly stoned, it's glasses now.

80. What color are your eyes?
I think sorta grey/green. Not sure tho... it's hard to look at your eyes.

81. What is your natural hair color?
A very standard brown colour. Sometimes darker, sometimes lighter, but standard brown.

82. But what color is it now?
Still standard brown. Usually has blonde tips in it tho, which reduces the monotony.

83. Have you ever been in love?
I have been in love, I have loved, and I have been loved.

84. Any pets?
Yup, we got a black cat with an attitude, an aquarium with lotsa fish, and an aviary full of canaries, finches and parrots.

85. Good, decent, or poor grades?
Part-way between decent and poor. Mostly decent, once I realised I really should apply myself.

86. Is the glass half empty or half full?
If it ever came to that situation, I'd rather just fill the glass up and not worry about it.

87. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
Nope... but I have realised that regardless of using mainly 2 fingers on each hand, I can almost touch-type.

88. What's under your bed?
A lot of miscellaneous stuff that won't fit into the cupboards. And probably a lot of dust too.

89. What is your favorite number?
I suppose 'one', really. Strange tho, that poeple have favourite numbers but not letters.

90. Favorite sport to watch?
I'm not real partial to any sport. But AFL can hold my interest sometimes, as can some of the eXtreme sports.

91. Shoe size?
Size 9, I think, from memory. That's Aussie size... I think U.S. is different. Who knows.

92. Favorite quote from a movie?
"Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus."

93. Favorite day of the week?
Is this a trick question or something? Friday! Second favourite is Saturday - but anticipation is everything. So Friday.

94. Favorite Flower?
Now that's an interesting question. Orchids are quite cool I suppose.

95. Most annoying thing?
Inconsiderate drivers. Having to reinstall an OS. Things that don't do what they're supposed to do.

96. Favorite Salad dressing?
None really... I prefer salads au naturel. Vinagerette I guess?

97. What word or phrases do you overuse?
"Ooh bugger..." - "Not too bad" - "Stupid bloody thing!"

98. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake?
Well if there'd been a birthday cake last birthday, it would've had 31 of them. But I think the last time was about 27, and *that* was plenty enough candles for my lungs to handle...

99. Bed time?
Whenever I get there, usually. Normally about 11pm though.

100. Best things in life?
Apart from just being alive? Experiencing love, acquiring knowledge, sharing happiness, and having money to spend.

So there you have it.

Thanks for taking the time to find out something about what makes me 'me'.  :)

All sites made entirely by Jesse Aherne, best viewed at 800x600 or higher. Last updated August 2009
Comments and questions
welcome (even hate mail or bomb threats... they can be pretty entertaining too).